Recently, a client reached out because her children were feeling nervous about the upcoming school year. There were a couple of big transitions happening for the kids, including a new grade for one and a new school for another, and she wanted to know how to support them in being successful. While some of the strategies we discussed were customized to her family’s circumstances, goals, and specific concerns; her children’s ages, temperaments and characteristics; and the other information that she’s shared over our time together; the one that really resonated for both of us was the notion of developing their overall resilience so they would be prepared for more of life’s uncertainties – because we know that, in life, the only constant is change.

 

Here are three “categories” for the development of resilience in your family, with a couple of tips for each. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but the hope is that it will get you and your children thinking about where there’s room for greater resilience in your lives, and how you can develop it together.

 

1. Overall healthy habits support our body budgets, and therefore our ability to manage stress.

    1. This is the platform on which all resilience is developed. When our nervous systems are regulated, we have more bandwidth to be flexible during change. Think of it like a guitar string: when it’s under too much tension, the slightest flick will cause it to snap. Alternatively, when it’s tuned just right it can flex under greater pressure and still make beautiful music!
    2. Getting high-quality (and enough) sleep, healthy food, lots of joyful movement and unstructured downtime (including child-led play) will put your kids in the right physical and mental states to better roll with the punches.
  • Yoga, meditation for kids, breathing exercises, journaling, visualization—there are many ways to support emotional and mental health. Help your kids explore what feels like a good fit for them or try some things together as a family. Taking a few deep, slow breaths; being wrapped in a warm hug from a trusted adult; or having a good laugh over something playful and silly can de-escalate stressful situations, and the more practice their growing brains have at co-regulating with dependable adults, then self-regulating, the better equipped they’ll be to face challenges with optimism and resilience.

2. Feeling capable and valued contributes to confidence

    1. Trust your kids to be as actively involved in all aspects of the household as possible given their ages and skill levels. Making lunches, choosing clothes, packing backpacks, helping with the family’s chores, having input towards the scheduling and meal plans, etc. are all ways that your children can build skills, develop trust in their own abilities to do hard things, and know that their contributions are important to the household.
    2. Being of service to others gets us out of our own heads, and having a sense of purpose contributes to resilience. Brainstorm ways that your family can give back to the community based on your skills and interests.

3. Having protective factors in the form of trusted adults.

    1. Letting them know you’re there for them and ready to listen whenever they want to talk is huge for kids, because it shows them that they’re important to you. You can ask them what’s on their mind, and based on their responses you can problem-solve solutions together (e.g. worried about getting lost at a new school, that the classes will be too hard, that they won’t have anyone to sit with at lunch, etc.)
    2. If you know who their teachers are going to be, connect with them ahead of time and let them know that there’s some nervousness in the household and you’d really appreciate their support. Request that they send a note, an email, or have a phone or Zoom call with your kiddos ahead of time to introduce themselves and answer questions. Yes, teachers are busy. However, they also recognize that their job is a whole lot easier when there are strong and supportive connections with parents and students, so a bit of proactive connecting is in everyone’s best interests.

 

It’s human nature to want to control all the variables, because having control makes us feel like we can handle anything life throws at us. Since that’s not the way the world works, supporting your children’s resilience is a mitigation strategy that will serve them well as they grow. Being resilient means that you and your kids will be better able to regulate your emotions and make healthy choices during every transition throughout your lives, including the changes and challenges of going back to school.

 

Kate Garzón, M.Ed. is a “GPS” for the parents of toddlers through teens! She can be reached at:  kate@guidedparentingsupport.com.