Life is constantly changing and challenging us with new “problems” or issues to face. We can look at these negatively and feel overwhelmed, or stuck and unhappy, or we can use strategies like goal setting, for example, to manage new priorities without having the issues throw us off our game, bring us down, cause stress, anxiety, or worry, and lead to emotional eating.  All unhealthy stuff!

Goal setting is one strategy that helps get into problem solving mode by focusing on and shifting my priorities. After that, carrying out our intentions generally involves communicating with other people, family or friends, manager, or co-workers, teachers, etc. in order to make shifts and achieve those goals.

Here are some healthy communication reminders that have worked well for me:

  • Don’t blame or use terms like “you should” or “you always”.  Instead use “I” messages and state what you observe such as “I feel like”, or “I’ve noticed that”. Give the other party space to think about what you are saying and to respond.  And likewise, when you are listening, have an open mind and really try to hear what the other person is saying.  If you are formulating your response while they are talking, you are not listening.

 

  • Don’t try to have a conversation when tired, stressed, or upset.  Save it for a time when you are rested and calm.  If you must have a conversation when you are upset, try to stay as calm as possible, and concentrate on your breath for help.

 

  • Listen with your eyes, ears, and full attention.  That means no TV, music, mobile phones, or screens in the area.

 

  • Non-verbal communication is also important. Where is your body in relationship to the other person?  Are your arms crossed?  If so, you are signaling that you are not willing to listen or have an open honest conversation.  Who has the power?  Is one person standing while the other is sitting?  Do you need to give up a physical power position to enable the other person to relax in order to have good communication?

 

  • Create a judgment-free environment.  Don’t judge what they are saying, but instead try to understand their perspective.  Ask questions to help you better understand where they are coming from.  Restate, “so what I am hearing you say is”, or “what I think you are saying is”.

 

  • Many times, nothing is resolved in just one conversation.  Remember, this is not a sports competition.  There shouldn’t be a loser and a winner.  If you’ve had enough, or run out of time to talk, agree to continue talking at another time.  This will also help each party think about what was said, process, and perhaps even come back with another perspective or solution.

We have our one life to live.  Time goes by.  If we are to live purposefully, we must dream of what we want and work to get it.  What do you want?  How can you make it happen?

 

Mary Ellen Zung is a certified holistic Health Coach helping people achieve better health and wellness and avoid chronic disease. Learn more at www.maryellenzung.com.